Well Meaning Friends

23 01 2008

Ah – such is life!  This is truly off the topic of walking, but it’s an adventure … adventure in friendships!

We all have gone through a lot in our lives.  Well meaning friends try to alleviate our pain and give some hope to keep us moving forward with statements like “It’s all for the best”, “there’s a reason”, and (for the more religious) “God knows what she’s doing”.  Quite honestly, I think it was Winston Churchill who said “When you’re going through Hell, keep on going.”  and he had it right.

I know I put my foot in my mouth a lot with people because my Hells have taught me amazing lessons and while I’ve been going through them, I’ve run across people who have taught me how they dealt with their particular flavor of Hell and I’ve been able to use what I’ve learned through their experience.

I guess I see friendships as participatory – the closer they are, the more tools are shared on the table in order to shed some light on a situation.  There are, of course, those friendships wherein I am easily bribed to listen (coffee, breakfast, dinner) because those are the folks who are just going to remain stuck.

I’m starting to realize that well meaning friends will try to help ‘fix’ my problems or troubles with their templates and they truly mean no harm … but it’s taken a long time to get here.  I really used to feel like my trials were being trivialized “Oh we’ve all been through that …” … it goes right up with “Well, people have had it worse …” Well … people aren’t me and I’ve not gone through it.  Then I shut down.

I was writing a relatively new friend about a variety of things and trials and tribulations were in there.  I realized how ‘well meaning’ I was sounding and using my life as examples.  I think it’s because I’ve come to realize that if I just keep moving, Hell will subside.  When you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to see that there is something to grab on to … and well meaning friends seem to try to emphasize the positive too much or the counting blessings thing. 

When I’m in Hell, I glare with green eyes of death and growl like a demon “Thank you for your input ….” and try to be polite while diving into my hole.  I also don’t deal well with people who say ‘suck it up’ … if I’m wallowing and I trust the person – then that’s one thing, but …

I’ve now learned to just splout when things are driving me insane and find people I can trust to explain things that don’t make sense.  A few readers have been recipients of what has been deemed “a Lizzy Mis-Understands” rant … they’re getting more humorous because I am getting a better outlook on life … but the ones that aren’t sometimes get followed by the simple statement … “all better now.  must walk.”

I guess with the new friends I’ve been surrounded by as of late, I’ve learned a lot of things — problems can be resolved with a sense of humor and they get bigger when you ignore them in order to get your attention.  True friends who are going to be around for a while really do care and are there to help you up when you’ve gone face first into the glass encrusted mud.  They’re protective, but they’re not smothering … meaning they’ll hold a towel up as you get the glass out of your nether parts and be there as you clean yourself up … but they’re not there to fix you, because you’re truly not broken … you just need a new perspective to grab on to in order to keep moving. 

It’s like putting on your big girl panties and going for a walk!

 Back to work!



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