Clearing the Cobwebs before Idaho Springs ….

8 08 2008

Hey Sports Fans –

I figured it out the other day and realized how few miles I’ve put in over the last month or so. It’s not a pretty sight, but I also looked at what has been going on.

Anyone who has read this regularly knows that I’ve got a thing about hitting *reset* every so often. Usually it’s based on needing to take some pressure off myself and just starting over. The problem with it is that it’s never really a truly clean break. This go around, I think I might have gotten it a little closer to right.

I am doing the Georgetown to Idaho Springs 1/2 marathon tomorrow morning and I’ve done next to no training for it … what I’ve got to do is get my head in the right space. This go around on re-set is a lot deeper than most and it will set me up better for the future.

What I mean is this: Over the past month I’ve:

  • Off-loaded about 1/3 of the stuff in my house. It doesn’t really look like it unless you look in a buddy of mine’s garage or go to her garage sale … but it felt pretty good. A lot of good and not-so-good memories physically went out of the door and mentally got properly filed. I’ve got more to do and am looking forward to the Democratic National Convention week to get more done as Downtown Denver is essentially off limits.
  • Came to grips with one of the weakest links in my chain – my left joints. I’ve not wanted to pay attention to the residue aches and pains from the car accident because I let that dark cloud cover me entirely too long, but after losing weight and getting more in shape, I’ve come to realize that I’ve got to learn more about keeping joints hydrated and properly squishy. I can’t stand that crunchy sound … or feeling ‘broken’.
  • I’ve really learned about my dehydration issue. I really did think I had it in hand, but welcome to Denver with no water in the air. Sure there are people older and younger than me who have everything all in line and have really pushed my buttons to ignore my common sense … but when it came down to it — they weren’t the ones passing out at the track or falling over way out on a training walk. There’s chiding to keep going and there’s blind competitiveness … I’ve got the blind competitiveness a lot of the time based on a lot of things and I’ve put my competitiveness ahead of my health more often than not. I have finally learned that I dehydrate and powering through it is *not* the smarter thing to do no matter who is saying it. They’re a git!
  • I finally got the blood work done and found out I’m in far better shape than a lot of people. I’ve just got to channel my competitiveness and really work to keep the joints, lungs and the rest in line.
  • I learned why I so radically and rather unexpectedly lose feeling in my extremities more or less on cue while frying my core. It’s a strange sight to see me turning white in my fingers, toes and face while starting to shake and then give me a hug and realize I’m sweating a river down my back! With one genetic diagnosis based on a suggestion coming from probably one of very few people I actually trust … at least 30 years of negativity started to fall away. I’ll probably handle it in my usual flip manner … but I now realize the parameters I’ve got to work with … and that I’ve got to be a smidge more careful.
  • Negativity – I really realized how that splashes around and how it affects me. I’m back to protecting myself from that of others who are just bound and determined to take someone like me down or be-little me for their own reasons. Yeah – I’ve known this for years, but I find it so pathetic that I just didn’t want to believe it. Sadly, I found myself falling into the trap and having my insides starting to rot. It seeped in more as I became more frustraited with my health, auto issue and the heat. This past week really gave me further insights into people and better ways to deal with things.
  • People – Since I am one, I’m just as selfish as the next, but it all is on a sliding scale and depends upon inclusiveness in positive or negative ways. I have been off-loading memories and others’ baggage on a sliding scale. Sometimes it really does make me sad, but the door is open (to an extent) for folks … but I’m not interested in carrying their baggage. I’m not interested in carrying my own so I’m offing it. It’s a lonely process because it takes a lot of introspection and willingness to see ones’ own faults – but I’m getting stronger. There are those who are *not* enjoying my getting stronger because it is conflicting with their view of things and pre-determined power structure or grid. Whatever. I firmly believe in people working together and enhancing strengths to make things better … if all you want is status quo and bitching … kiss the back of my skirt … well … actually – please don’t. Negativity that close to me isn’t something I want.
  • I didn’t leave Curves. http://www.curves.com/circuit_demo/ Yeah – I know there is a post that I’d finally grown out of it, however I have been seduced to do their Smart System under the Endurance Program. http://www.curves.com/curves_right/curves_smart.php It appears I’m the only one doing the Endurance Program … and they knew it was the only way to keep me. I also changed gyms to one that is far more wide open than the slightly claustrophobic one I was going to. I like the folks at both – but sometimes that change … you know. Anyway – while I’ve not been able to walk, I’ve been doing the Endurance Program. The thing is when my car went down a few weeks ago, I lost the ability to get to the Y easily. It happens. The Curves I’m going to is off the light rail – maybe a 10 minute slow walk from the light rail. Since I’m an Uber Geek, the amount of information logged on the computer is really fascinating. I’m sure the bike store on one side and massage clinic on the other can hear me as I work out my frustration – but whatever! The biggest concern about Curves for me is how they push the losing weight aspect of things – and I have to be very careful with my body image. This summer there is a great gal named Karen working over there who understands my seeing myself as a rotund toad and has been keeping me in line. “Lizzy – did you remember your snack or are you going to the bike shop?” “What have you got in your water this time?” “Did you make the strength goals?!” She’s got MS more or less under control and makes me laugh. I’ve been burning a great deal of calories and it’s been good to keep me moving. Will be interested to see what the first month of compiled readings has in store.

So  —  I’m renting a car today to try to get some errands done. The bus/light-rail combo is fine, but it chews up a couple of extra hours and when a lot of the places I go aren’t exactly on the bus route or a decent walk … it’s been irritating. I don’t do well when I don’t have back-up wheels! I’ll be checking out the garage my neighbor suggested in my knot of errands today.

Tomorrow I’m riding up to Idaho Springs with some extremely fast runner friends. My head has been a bit messed up since I’ve not been walking … and trying to ask friends for help with rides to no avail. It is not that I am going to stop helping out friends, but I guess they are used to me being pretty self sufficient. I probably drove the Boys nuts by my backing out on the ride and using my very sparse budget to rent a car – but it is like the computer situation – I ask for help for a few weeks and when the equilibrium point is passed, I bite the bullet. My problem with having people wait is being dependent on them. What has happened too many times to count in the past is I have been left behind in some far reaching places in California and Colorado because I did not keep pace with others or because they decided they wanted to leave without telling anyone. There is a lot of baggage on this one that has become uncovered over the past couple of car issue weeks. These guys are really fast and have never come in as a part of the last quarter of the participants crossing the line. It’s taking everything I’ve got to trust that they are really going to be there and maybe understand that I am not at speed right now. I am positive that their heart is in the right place, but that they have absolutely no clue as to how terrified I am not having a back-up plan. Trusting people doesn’t come naturally anymore because of some really messed up people in my past and present.

I’m thinking I’m going to handle Idaho Springs like a nice big return training walk. I know I can do the distance. Every two miles is water. I am not exactly comfortable with people waiting for me, but maybe that is something I have to deal with. When I’m on the course, I’m on the course. There’s no turning back! Point the feet in the right direction and let’s see what my current plateau of ground zero is. I’ll have every part to re-check … ankles, feet, shins, knees, hips, shoulders and the like … but especially my head. I want to see what the work I’ve done has yielded. I want to do well … and I’m really looking forward to getting my training re-set.

It’s all a matter of priorities. The move of my office has really highlighted how people just let their agendas get in the way. I have to keep my energy going in the direction I want it to go in to and realize that I’m being surrounded by some amazing folks – virtually and physically. We all have our damage and baggage – but there are ways to deal with it. Work is just to pay the bills and help people. Walking is pushing myself, making healthy friends and doing something that makes me feel good. School is to create a situation where work doesn’t negatively impact the rest of my life. Friends are extremely important.

Maybe Idaho Springs is a lot more than I think. No pressure, just observation. When I went to Garden of the Gods, it was tough and it was the first situation where I had a ride to the race, but in the group was one of my closest buds, Sheila who was only about 1/2 an hour ahead of me – and camping on that finish line. This was the second race she was camped out on the finish line for me. Q is a fantastic friend, but he’s extremely fast and I don’t ever expect him to be camped out on a finish line or he’d probably grow roots … he also knows just about everyone in the running world of Colorado. Sheila’s a known quantity to me after now a marathon, handful of 5k’s and the 10 miler. She also knows my competitive streak and has a direct link into my brain to remind me to have fun. I’m travelling this go around with The Boys. There’s no little peak into my soul to remind me to have fun … but I don’t think Q would leave me up there in Idaho Springs. David might enjoy reminding me that my 1/2 marathon time is just a bit lower than his full time. The Eagle has, actually, already waited around in terrible conditions for me to finish a race – the Bolder Boulder … he’s earned his feather on that one actually. Maybe I’m being just a smidge too hard on The Boys … tarring them with the brush that belongs to lesser people … Time to remember that I am an athlete – in a different sport and needing to get my feet back under me … but I’m out there.

Ah – live and learn … Idaho Springs -> a handful of 5k’s -> Park to Park 10 Mile -> San Jose Rock and Roll 1/2 -> Denver Marathon -> A couple of Thanksgiving walks -> Something in December -> Goofy in January … I’ll put in judged racewalks if I can get to them with the car situation. 2009 … that’s the year people … the year I get off my butt and get going!

Love – Lizzy

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