I’ll catch up on races … but it was a great night at the track

17 09 2008

Ok – so since I switched to this gig here at the Campus, I’ve been increasingly drained. I simply don’t understand when people find it necessary to make things as hard as possible because they are threatened or whatever. I find myself – and those who know me have said something simular – to be a fairly non-threatening person. I like to get things done and truly can be a team player … but I’ve been dealing with a set of circumstances that truly baffels my mind. The harder thing is that it’s been draining a lot of my good energy and channeling it into trying to get things done …

Think standing at the edge of the ocean face first into a gale of wind and surf you didn’t exactly know would be quite as cold as it is … without being able to move and without knowing when the end is going to happen.

I’ve been pretty honest about a lot of things in this blog … one of the things I’ve written on is my dealing with depression … and being an adreneline junkie … This nonsense with work has been coming home with me … mixing with the stupidity of the classes I’m in, my automotive woes, finances, my disaster of a house … leading into the depression because I don’t understand why people are making things so difficult.

THEN I go out to do the one thing I do in this world completely for me … my walking. I admit that I suck at training when I don’t see a race looming … a stress test I had said that I tend to relax more when most people would be getting further stressed and get flustered at the wrong time also. Ok – after injuries and being sick, I was finally getting going … and then this.

I train by myself. I always say it’s because I don’t play well with others – but a lot of it has to do with my being ‘beholden’ to so many people throughout the normal day, that I kind of want to just click into myself. I don’t like feeling like people are waiting for me to finish or like I have to even be polite. A couple of friends of mine tried to shove a couple of training ‘buddies’ down my throat and do not understand why I have absolutely no interest in this at the current time.

The reason is this – I need to figure out what is going on with Lizzy because I’m not exactly happy right now with how things are with my walking.

I’ve not written out my Park to Park blog yet – the photos are at the computer at home – mainly because I’m putting a little distance between me and it so that I’ll give myself a better rating. I finished pitching forward and knowing that I am unhappy with how I powered myself through. I look at the photos and I’m seeing every problem … and I look at my notes to myself and … well … I need to put them in the shredder and start over!

Last night, I finally was able to get down to the track that I like. Last time I was there, there were four kids riding their bikes in the lanes while their parents were running. I asked if they could choose a lane or I’d go out to lane 6 and one of the nightmare parents said “Why – you’re not running on the track.” I glared … envisioned his privates in a vise … and left.

I’m trying out a pair of shoes that is 1/2 a size larger than I’m used to. They’ll be OK for the winter with warmer socks. I waddled down to the track with my gallon of water and looked around. It was warm, but not terrible. The Pop Warner kids were starting to gather and horse around with each other. Ok … this should be good. I set the Garmin for 10 laps of 1/4 mile (~400 meters) with a rest of 2 minutes. Doing this causes me to only pay attention to what my body is doing and not think how many laps I still have to do.

Lap to warm up … another … forgot how many … then over to the chain link fence to stretch a bit. I’m a sick bird because I kind of like stretching when I remember to do it.

Lane 3 has become a favored lane … don’t ask … won’t tell! More often than not, people don’t use that lane.

First couple of laps felt fairly terrible. I hadn’t settled out and I’ve been feeling like I’m doing this bizarre hop thing from one foot to the other. I’m probably still protecting my left knee. No flow, just jagged hop. There’s a scene in Harry Potter where Hermione tries to calm herself down as she goes put on the Sorting Hat … I’m like that “Ok Lizzy … calm down … relax … figure it out … this is for you!” KER-THUD!

The rest of the laps started to feel better one after the other. I was able to put the outside world on the other side of the chain link fence. The spot on my foot where the barbed wire ripped across the top on a long walk didn’t hurt … blood blister remnants didn’t cause pain … things just started to feel a bit better. I’m spending time on a track for a few reasons: hydration and getting better on flats … Since I can’t get out of myself to see what I’m doing, I have no clue. I did try to pay attention to my shadow and suddenly *KER-THUNK* I was back to being out of whack. Screw it …

I finished and felt pretty good. Chocolate Clif 20g bar … water … banana … sweat. My eyes felt relaxed, shoulders calm, legs like they could just keep going.

I haven’t downloaded the Garmin so I don’t know how the series of laps went from a time aspect. I handed my watch over to a friend of mine to translate and he said “Ok – it looks like you started out a little fast then started to calm down. Your times are more consistent. You *really* slow down for those 2 minutes just walking around the track.”

It was peaceful – almost like being in the arms of someone you really feel safe and cared about … except I was by myself. I don’t really like knowing I’m being watched because I get nervous. I just know when I was walking myself back to the car that I felt that peaceful feeling which I knew would be put aside because I was meeting up with two of my closest friends … and I’d be back on stage … Beautiful sunset … comfortable me … reminding me of why I do this …

If only the stupidity of life wouldn’t get in the way!

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