Less than a week out – Getting ready with some false starts!

29 09 2008

A friend of mine said “I don’t get this walking thing of yours, but I do get numbers. According to what your Athlinks says, you’ve been taking seconds to minutes off of times. Even when you kind of stall, you pick it up later. Why are you wanting this year over?”

My answer with tears kind of welling: “It’s been an injury laden emotional rollar coaster ride. I’d like it to mellow out.”

He gave me a hug and got me out on my balcony to watch how Monday was unfolding. “Lis – you’re very hard on yourself. You’ve got a lot of things hitting at you but you are standing up to them. You’re going to do fine. If you don’t hit the 2:40:00 goal, you will on the next one. Back off and quit beating up my friend!”

Of course I started laughing … then hacking. I’ve caught that cold that goes around elementary schools at the beginning of the school year. I just started my first Denver Musuem of Nature and Science special exhibit since Titanic – Dinosaurs. This means I’m around a bunch of kids (and parents) who are handling things after blowing snot in the open air sections through sneezing or wiping their dripping nose with the back of their hand. I forgot about this little airborn pathogen since I’ve been away from the exhibits … but of course it’s happening right before I leave for San Jose!

What’s got me more concerned than being sick – let’s face it … as long as I can breate through my mouth while walking, I’ll do the race – is the tighness in my legs from the tush down. With the stuff going on lately, I’ve not been able to spend as much time doing my circuit training and everything has been a little hit/miss. It’s been pissing me off … which cycles back into the emotional thing …

While petting Miss Bailey Boo, my friend asked “Ok – so whatchagonnado? How are you going to keep your head together? You’ve got a cold and you’re sore …”

I looked over the balcony on this chilly but sunny Denver day, staring at a blank whitness of the sky and couldn’t answer. My mind was a complete blank. “Not sure.” I kept looking but not seeing anything. I’ve written a lot about how this year has gone – plus and minus. Those closest to me have put up with my accepting and working through depression and stupidity. The hard part is no longer some nebulous variable … just a mess to clean up.

“You know you’re going to do fine. Just be real with yourself and keep smiling. Go for a walk … and hit restart with this race. Everything is an experience … your coming in first, your leading the pack then losing the lead, your getting faster, your not being able to compete, your coming in near last. You might have a race you get picked up. Welcome to life, Kid!”

Did this conversation exist outside my head? Only I know for sure … but I know whose voice I heard and now I’m off to walk slowly around a track … for me.

“Time Starts Now” … time to get myself in order to handle the third part of this season. It’s been spotty and a royal mess … but i’ve proven to myself that I can keep it together … just think of what I’ll be able to accomplish in 2009 with my head in a better space, feeling like I can truly trust my friends who accept me for me, injury areas known about so they can be strengthened and the knowledge that I’ll have made it through a really trying and growth oriented year … maybe not with flying colors … and maybe not in graceful style … but, damn it, I made it through …

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