Some amazing friends …

17 03 2009

Ok  — I’m still feeling frustrated with myself. Friends are being wonderful because they know that I do have this perfectionistic tendency. It, truly, is something that I’m working on. It is funny because friends have told me that they feel I’d make an OK coach because after good and bad performances, I ask them truly how they’re feeling and they know I’ve been there … and that it’ll be OK … they know I really *do* care and am not putting them down when I say “It’ll be OK … ” It’s just I’m not a good coach to myself.  

General friends have been really great with sending a good vibe … then there are the six who are pretty instrumental right now.

I’m huge into music and what pops up when you need it. Interestingly enough, this tune (Jimmy Eats World “The Middle”)  kept popping up all weekend. Various radio stations, both while finding where the race really *was* on Saturday before I beat feet to get to an appointment and at 5:30 in the morning when I was driving to the race itself. It increased in airplay afterward … on the Internet, driving through the mountains while talking with Mike Mc, driving up and down the coast, playing in an open air art show, on the beach from a boom box and even in shops in four different cities and then there’s in the airport itself! All freaking weekend! Started on Friday and, literally, it was playing on the two stations I actually kind of get on my radio in the car coming in to work this morning.

I think the funniest and most pay attention dip-dork!playing of this tune was when I was shuffling around LAX. I got to Southwest and Cher’s “Song For The Lonely” was playing. Singing along, I found out that I couldn’t turn in my luggage more than 4 hours early. If you’ve ever been to LAX Southwest terminal there is nothing to do for two hours, so I ended up clearing even more stuff in a telephone conversation. Yeah – I was feeling pretty low and that song “Had a Bad Day” came on … I chuckled. The thing is I know that going through all this crap just makes me lighter going forward. A buddy of mine said “Well, Lizzy, you do have a tendency to multi-task … you not only attempted a long judged race out of town, but you also learned how to disqualify yourself if you’re injured. That’s not something anyone ever explains and now you can help others. Start there and try it again; but maybe with a good friend or something to quell your fears.” I was able to get my luggage checked to the tune of Styx’ “Come Sail Away” (I prefer Cartman’s version … but whatchagonnado?). I got piled in the zoo for security (but headed directly for “expert traveller”) and “The Middle” was playing! I just started bopping in line. Didn’t have a choice, my body took over … even though I was dragging my right leg. After wandering about for a couple of hours, I decided to plant it and pull out the laptop … and paid the $6 to T-Mobile for Internet access to try to clear a few things. Ended up talking on Facebook to an old friend from the past who really kept me glued together in his own fashion. Guess what was playing on the speakers? Then about 5 minutes later it was playing off a guy’s computer directly behind me. Got on the plane and the loader’s music was the end of the B-52’s “Love Shack” then … Jimmy Eats World “The Middle” … I GOT THE POINT!!! But, the Universe, in its infinite wisdom … and knowing I’m very hard headed and have a tendency to beat myself up … made sure I heard this tune as someone’s cell-phone ring when I got to Denver, floating through the headphones of the guy next to me on the shuttle, and as the first tune when I turned on the radio … and part of a bit of an inside joke … the container of blueberries and blackberries I was carrying fell out of my bag and in to my lap … “Listen to the song and eat your berries” … I guess if they were part of a pie I would have made a mess!

I’ve been really honest with how I’ve been clearing out the “rest” of my life and how it affects things. Four very good friends of mine, who don’t know one another, said that I knew I wasn’t exactly ready to race this weekend and I was having misgivings about it even when I registered. That’s not how to go in to anything, and I have any wiggle room. It’s a very bad habit – one which allegedly states that there is no room for failure and non-completion is definitely failure. I walked in to learn something and still feel pretty terrible … but if it wasn’t for six very close friends, (2 who walk, 2 who don’t, 1 who surfs, 1 who chefs … all who seem to understand my personality and like me anyway) I’d probably feel worse.

Thanks KH, MMc, EB, JT, SJS, JW … I’m feeling a lot better … Thanks for being a completely safe place to express what I’m feeling and help me get my feet back under me. I love you all.

And yes I am dancing, smiling and splashing water all over the office … and will be back in the gym after I drop that Wednesday night class.




2 responses

17 03 2009

Dropping another class? That should put your graduation at about what, 2015? 🙂

17 03 2009

Yeah … we’re assuming I’ll ever graduate … Nah – I hope to have myself on track for graduation in 2011 … assuming that I can get some semblance of classes together. … Anyway – even though I’m kind of the gatekeeper in my program, I can’t let it drag for that many years! 😉

Keep tabs on me Racer … keep me in line … if you can!

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