Weight Room re-starting very soon … I need it from so many different levels …

2 07 2009

Update on the stuff via chiropractic & asthma:

0. Asthma:Lungs still not feeling exactly right. Shoulders tight and almost a fear that it’s going to happen again. I’ve got the rescue inhaler … somewhere … hold on … let me think … oh yeah … it’s in my bag for the gym. Sigh. I know there’s a ton of crap in the air and my doing ‘stable’ workouts on a treadmill or around that indoor track is ok because I’m able to breathe without too much trouble (except when that NINNY comes in on the treadmill after taking a BATH in some perfume/cologne that permiates the entire tiny cardio area … that puts me out on the indoor track for lap after lap after lap …). I have a lot of respect for my friends with lung ailments, but I think they know with me, I have it in my head that it is an excuse vs. real reason to be careful. Quit the uproar – it’s part of the wiring that I’ve discovered and I’m trying to rip out. It’s no fun, trust me.

1. My upper back, neck, between the shoulders:It’s sore still. I know it’s coming around and since I’ve gone through chiropractic in the past, I know that it’s going to take time to reverse the damage I’ve done to myself … but it’s making it really rough to sleep. Headaches are starting to subside, breathing slightly easier … but it’s just about ready to pop and I wish it would! I know the vast majority of the damage is stress induced … hence going through all the really uncomfortable stuff.

2. Mid-Back:People say I’m tall … I want to be no taller than I am … this whole thing is irritating. It’s feeling better. I’m wondering if it is more of a pain because with all the inactivity this year, I’ve gotten very fat (175 pounds this morning … OOOFFAAHHH) and it’s causing me trouble.

3. Knee, Legs:Well, this is a lot of why I was in there, hu? I’m very tired of doing treadmill workouts, but I’m also trying to keep things as stable as possible and Bambi here has a problem with tripping over perceived cracks in the sidewalk. Fortunately, I’m in build-up mode, so that’s a good thing. Every long work-out really gives the test to what is going on.

I’m not used to seeing a doc nearly every day, but that’s what I’m having to do because of the 4th of July holiday. I like a little more space to let things settle. My leg is probably being off alignment and compensating. My upper back is stress … and carrying what I have of the baggage of my past. I’ve always been really hard on myself for reasons best known me because whenever I try to explain them … well … it doesn’t come out right … so I just stuff it. I’ve gotten rid of a large amount of the Past Matched Sets of Baggage, but some of the stuff it uncovered … well … has been really uncomfortable … I’ve learned something, however, from some of the strongest friends I’ve got … I’ve been learning to tell folks “no” … to take care of myself … to accept me for who I am now … and to let go of my past … and let go of those who want to keep me bound to it.

One of the things that had to happen, however, was that I had to notbe able to do my Pilate’s, yoga, aerobics, weights, and walking the way I wanted … and to pay attention. Sounds strange, hu? Not really when I look at how a lot of my life has cycled.   Could be worse. It’s hard when I feel pressured by people … maybe I feel it a bit more acutely than others. I don’t expect anyone to ‘get it’, but was surprised when my tag team of sports psychologist buddies did … I’ve got other tools in my toolkit … and unlike the past, a lot of things are changing … I’ve got no interest in living in the past. The past is dead and gone. I have paid for the lessons, mistakes, mis-steps and foibles with stabbing myself and getting in my own way just as I start to succeed. I’ve got no patience for that … or for anyone wanting to set up camp in the murky mire of the past.

I’ve been insanely tired and unable to sleep … having myself on a good workout schedule really makes me feel good and at least able to relax. Taking care of a lot of the things that I have been, off-loading stuff and not accepting more has taken a lot out of me. I’ve gotten a lot of the crap just gone … and, depressingly enough, have found more. Sigh. Deal with crap … go on a long walk … Avoiding it is not the answer because it’s still there when I’m done, and if I learned anything over the past year is that my life is like a weaving … I have to have things at least in hand … or I pound out in order to forget. I feel like I’ve gotten really lazy, but it’s just time to pick it up and get going. Come on … GET OVER IT!!! 

What I’m really missing is my time in the weight room. A lot of my personal working out has been sidetracked and is being popped back in to the schedule. I’m feeling grossly overweight and insanely slow. Perception … or fact … No clue. The thing about me and a weight room is that I really just feel … I don’t know … safe(?) in there. I have been using the Englewood Recreation Center – which, as a non-resident, it’s about $4.00 a day … hence using the treadmill, track to try to do exercises on my woefully weak shins, and pool. It’s well appointed and I’ve got a ‘routine’ that really needs to be re-worked. I’ve stayed away only because of doing the “skeletal” (for a lack of a better term) work and not wanting to really do damage.

Ok – this isn’t one of my ‘happiest’ posts … but I always promised to be, if nothing else, real for what is going on at the moment that my fingers tickle the keyboard. I’m Ok … I see the change is coming … it’s like packing after a trip you’re not exactly sure you wanted to take and you’re going to the next place … not exactly excited, but ok about it. Maybe I’m learning a bit of patience … I’m seeing that things at that slower pace, taking the time to do them a step at a time, is a very good way to build up a better me. I’m also not repeating my mistakes. I’m seeing the patterns and I’m learning from my “better of two evils” or not so good decisions. It’s my business to learn, grow and maybe put tools out there for others to use … like others have for me … but since I have no interest in being fixed or fixing someone else … yeah … although it would be nice to have a “steady” … well … in putting away my past, I see how I’d tried to do work … and … well … people sometimes don’t want others to change … because they might have to.

The big thing … change from the frustration of recently is that I’m NOT beating myself up about it … I’m NOT yalping at myself about anything … I’m NOT falling back into the trap of damning myself for being lazy and the like …

I am, as I said before, calmly packing a bag to leave the place where I’ve been and getting my things in line to go over … here … where I’ll still have to deal with rubbish … and my temper will still flair … but I’m taking care of myself … a step at a time … but … I’ll be a H#@! of a lot happier when I’m all better and these aches are more a memory than a daily deal!

So – I type this tired … behind in a few things for school … and wishing I was at the gym … but I’ve got to take care of biz, get caught up and make it work for me.




One response

6 07 2009

hang in there … know it’s tough but you are tougher than it is 😉
weights are awesome – I personally do them 2-3x/wk (2x right now but 3x when not marathon training) so I say go for it and lift, but be careful not to get hurt!
keep on keepin’ on!

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