Slowing Down to Speed Up

15 09 2011


I truly believe the hardest thing to do is to back up and do things in the right order …and really do them. What I mean is that I know the right order to do things, the ways to find internal motivation, and the importance of all the small steps to make big ones & help with plateau abatement. I know it, but applying for myself is sometimes difficult.  What I mean is it is hard to know where I want to be, knowing that I truly can do it, but also knowing that I have to trust the others on my team.

Trust requires that I communicate with them and they with me.  As someone who knows this, I truly am a communication grind, but I also really shut down. I guess part of this comes from my personal frustration which has stemmed from repeated injury and “poor performance.”

Those around me know I have the drive and I was reminded that I do have the mind-set of someone who can be a successful competitive athlete, however there is something in the way that only I can clear. That something is me and my reactions.

I am antsy to be back on the path I was on before I derailed. I am crabby about the weight – mental & physical – I am slogging through.  I am also frustrated because it has taken so long and so many set backs.

The thing is this: I have to work with what I have now to unlock the future.  I am not interested in a repeat of much of anything from the past 3 years.

Reading all the motivational literature and just dumping stuff doesn’t really do it. Just dumpinh doesn’t deal with the issue(s) in the long run.  To make the changes truly work is understanding and actually tying off the emotional bleeders.

For me, I have habits that need to be altered.  I have a lot of drive, but it was being sapped by emotional vampires: physical & emotional.

I am now surrounded by some amazing circles of friends. I have been sealing off triggers and accepting myself more.  The funny thing is that I rarely do for myself what I do for others.

This has been changing because I believe in authentic reality. In learning about and being exposed to amazing coaches I have been able to discharge a lot of the hurt I felt from coaches in my past across sports.  The hurt was internalized and has a lot to do with my self worth as an athlete which translates into what I communicate to my coaches.

What I mean is I hold coaches in high regard and positions of trust, so after repeatedly feeling like my questions and concerns didn’t matter, a kind of scar tissue was created that turned into a wall. There is a huge difference between coddling and actually knowing your athlete – and it is that fine line that gives especially adult returning athletes the acid to melt the scar wall.

Just writing this out gives me some breathing space. I know I have been frustrating friends when I say “I am not competing until the beginning of the year.” I actually was corrected out of calling the three events I am doing “races ” in an effort to use them to remind myself of the fun involved and to focus on right now. I am back to calling them “trundles.” I am back to creating a place where I am there for me. I do love my friends, but I am in my sneakers for me.

It really is hard, but I am setting goals properly and understanding the steps to get there have to be done in the right order or I will truly be stuck with 14 minute miles for forever.




2 responses

15 09 2011

Hey, during one of my most successful years, the bulk of my training was at 13-14 mpm. Nothing wrong with that!

15 09 2011

Exactly Ollie!! There is nothing wrong with that! For me, I know where I was when I was at mid stride, dropping seconds quickly. I need to regain the happiness I had with 13’s. I am realizing how many of my old demons have raised their head – and I am ready to erase them AS I whittle off the seconds.

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