Death By Hungry Man

16 09 2011


Ohhhh myyyy ggaaaawwwwddd!

I stopped at the grocery on my way home from school on Wednesday night. I had spent the last class of the day staring at out dissected cat and using 6 dissecting probes to figure out blood path in a sheep heart.

In other words, I didn’t feel like cooking.

As I toodled around the grocery, I decided what I wanted was fish and chips. Proper fish and chips is not on the way home, and it was soaking rain out.  Fruit, vejis, this that. Ok – rare bad-for-me TV dinner.

I keep frozen burritos in the ice box for when I don’t have a lot of time or am feeling like crap. It wasn’t a burrito moment, it was one of those moments that the healthy little voice inside asked “didn’t you practically live on TV dinners? You don’t anymore, but if you want to remember why you haven’t had a cheap one for over 20 years, look they’re on sale.”

I think my Inner Voice has an evil sense of humor!

I saw Hungry Man (I remember eating this brand when my parents would go to the movies. Remember the foil trays?) Pub Inspired dinners and without looking carefully, I grabbed one that looked like fish & chips. There was a coupon on it, so it would cost a quarter. I had a coupon for a vat of Country Crock mashed potatoes that lowered this price to fifty cents.

I got home, shoved the purchases into the Microwave and took a protesting Bailey out in the rain. I should have realized something was off when we walked into the apartment and Bae started sneezing.

Pulling “dinner” out of the microwave, I realized that the odd stick shaped things was not wanna-be fish but a chicken-like substance. Bailey just shook her head and vacated.

Not a good sign.

Ok – potatoes. You can’t blow potatoes, right? UMMM – I really need to read packages because the vat was their “Loaded” potatoes. Imagine my surprise when I absently stuck a spoon in and ended up with a mouthful of “flavors” highlighted by bacon. I am not a bacon fan unless it is on a BLT and I prefer to change it to an ALT (avocado – lettuce – tomato).


I tried to eat the nightmare – with my Inner Voice cackling like Yoda – until I knew this wasn’t going to work. Thursday is my most athletic day at school with the tag team of coaches: Tetro (strength & stretch) –> Cooper (weights) –> Leppik (racewalk schedule). It would not do to have not eaten properly.

I put the “meal” down for Bailey and grabbed a couple things out of the cupboard in an effort to eat something and apologize to my system for the blech I had eaten.

You know you made bad choice in fast food when the dog walks in the kitchen after rejecting the slop you put in her food area, glares at you, turns around and leaves the room with a loud fart in your general direction. Bailey gas can strip paint at times. Even she wouldn’t touch the leftovers.

I cleared the mess and apologized to the dog. I paid for that bad decision as I couldn’t sleep and then woke up feeling yucky. I ate something more because I knew I needed fuel than anything.

By 10 minutes in to strength & stretch, I felt light headded and couldn’t breathe. Coach T told me to take care of myself. Air and electrolytes from my locker
I hate not being able to at least do part of the workouts. But 183 pounds going down on the gym floor would be a bad thing. I figured out what was wrong nearly immediately – crap food in = crap energy out.

I admit stuff immediately and felt a lot better by the end of class. I worked a bit of my frustration out by walking sprints the length of the gym room floor. I pushed because, although I see the humor in what I had done to myself, I also knew it would take time for my system to right itself.

Weights is interesting because I truly feel like I am surrounded by trees. The class is mostly guys and I am on the short side — so it is like a Shepard family reunion if it happened in a free-weight room. Coach Cooper is a hoot and has been working me with programs to help build my base for racewalk. His background in sport psychology also comes in to play. The fact that he laughs easily makes things work.

He and Tetro share an office so he already knee I wasn’t feeling well. In the half hour between classes, I had downed two Boosts and two bottles of electrolyte. I had tried to stem the splitting headache that was making its appearance at the end of TetroTime. For CooperLand, it had arrived but was abating – dodged a bullet.

I spent weights learning but keeping the pressure off. I would go in to use the running optimizer after, so I wanted to be decent. I tried lifting an Olympic weight bar with elastic tubing attached. I played with other elastic tubing. I got my thinking in line. And I giggled with fellows in there.

Afterward, however, my inner cackling Yoda (I think my inner observer is Yoda) had a field day with me on the running optimizer. Coach Cooper took a look at the machine with me and said to really work the arm portion. Well, there is an “arm blaster” setting, so off I went.  Tunes on, arm blaster set, legs moving – I left a lot of frustration on the machine.

Walking to the train, my buddy Miguel and I were discussing an irritating attribute of an instructor and how to deal with it for the semester.

On the train, one of the many conversations I heard were two kids talking about “how awesome” the Hungry Man Pub Series of TV dinners were and how they eat three a night. I followed the voices and saw the bodies attached … and shuddered.

I got home, boiled some potatoes and made Bailey some proper masked potatoes as an apology. She sniffed them, glared at me, sniffed again, walked away and once I was out of eyeshot, clinking plates meant she snarfed the lot.

My inner Yoda cackled “Learn something she did! Good food, good fuel it makes. Bad food, crabby Lizzy it make!” MUAHAHAHA!




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