Perfection is overrated – first day of summer session

4 06 2012

     Well – I had my couple of weeks off! Last term was an academic bust for the most part, but a huge shift in priorities for me. It has to happen.
      As the line goes “everybody has a past” and, like many to varying degrees, mine has been wrapped around me like suffocating plastic wrap. Some of it I have wrapped myself and other bits were strapping taped in place by others when I wasn’t paying attention. Then there is keeping it because it felt like safe bubble wrap against future pain.
      Bosh.
      There are lessons to learn, but learn them and motor. I had been so used to the baggage I had finally neatly stacked in the corner of my psychic living room, that I kind of didn’t see it anymore. Last term, a handful of things came to the forefront that reminded me of the baggage that simply needed to go.
      My apparent desire for perfection lead to Pondering & Procrastination which lead to Missed Opportunities & A Wake-Up. Many folks don’t get that.
     My perfectionism was getting in the way of my enjoying the quirkiness of life.  Yeah – me the Procrastinating Perfectionist.
     I tried to quiet things down by finally going on a course of ADHD meds which left me nearly immobile and not really giving a crap about anything. Two 32’s on major course exams gave me the wake up I needed.
     Cut losses. Cut perfection. Cut the crap and get simpler.
      Everything unto my world had to be groundworked properly again. This was a safety mechanism I had to try to control for the variables. The problem is that some of the variables became the crazies taking over.  Because I had too many balls in the air, I became overwhelmed. 
      How can one move forward with so many things that turned into emergencies? DANGER MISS LIZZY!!! Protect yourself.
     What am I doing?
1. Letting some of the balls fall. They are usually the perceptions and nonsense of others anyway. 

2. Continuing the massive clear-out but including drips and drabs and a whole lot of paper documentation

3. A friend of mine sent me a promo photo from when we were kids. It got me thinking about a lot of things that I don’t really look at because a lot of my life centered on documenting the world around me. Time for me to be in that world.

4. Dealing with what I can and asking for help on what I can’t. Action far more important.

     There are a lot of opportunities that my pondering perfectionistic procrastination has caused me to put aside thinking they will very there later. Not so. Life moves on.
     A person from my past said “Lizzy, I just figured you would always very there because you always were. Then I turned around to see that I never put into the friendship, just took. I decided you belonged in a box as you went through things, but you turned that box into a planter.”
     Life is a lot simpler when we allow it to be. I have things, like everyone, that really hurt and people who think they are being protective by not being open to change and different modes if thought.
      So, first day back into the last year of second undergraduate degree finds me a lot lighter. Let the games begin.

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