I seriously have been nearly a day off for a week. Woke up with one of those “oh crap – how am I getting from the airport to x, y, z” and was trying to figure it out before I realized I was up 2 hours early and thinking about the wrong trip. Yesterday was the memorial service for a really spectacular kid I knew from when I volunteered at the Natural History Museum half a lifetime ago. He was truly special and would have laughed that I thought his service was Thursday not Tuesday. Back then, I really had more calendar issues. I remember a fellow volunteer saying that I should choose between wanting to volunteer and wanting to race. The suggestion was that the choice would be simple – the museum as racing left me sore. The real problem that I have had is my tendency to multi-task. The problem with this is that nothing gets done well. It is kind of an addiction in this country. Being able to do 300 things at once is sort of admired, but the toll it takes is huge. This past summer, I took a time management classxand realized I knew what to do – always have. It just goes against the social programming. I started to chop out the multi tasking. It wasn’t easy at first, but gradually: *Food tasted better and I started melting off weight. *More time freed up because I didn’t fall over exhausted into time wasting activitied *I felt more relaxed, lighter, and speech slowed down and was quieter. *I was able to notice things more. The positive definately outweighed any perceived benefit but it was a new habit. I felt like I was more in control, but noticed all the things I had short term taken care of which really needed to be faced. Many of those short term fixes were coming to roost and it was time to pay proper attention. The real problem has been the last couple of weeks when I first left for California and then was back for a week and am now bouncing East. Everything ramped up, double timing, cramming a lot in, time stress. I laugh now, at 2:56 AM, because I woke up with that old, familiar dream of not knowing where the heck I am and what direction I am going. It is a reminder of where I used to reside. I lived under this multi-directional stress and thought I thrived, but it was a fallocy. What I did was take a thwack at my health and miss out on those little things that makes life worthwhile. It this most recent case, I lost a week of classes and felt a huge drop – like a free-fall on a roller coaster. What is worse is the realization that I used to think this was normal. What the hell does this have to do with athletics or racing? Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with it. Because I knew I was not living my regular life with discipline or balance, I really believe I wasn’t giving my all to my events. I was short changing them because they were another thing on the to do list that didn’t get full attention. The problem with this is that this is where injury and lack of satisfaction reside. Must personal motivation has been splintered because I kept having a mounting pile of undone or half baked things. The worst bit is knowing they are half baked. Listening to the rain, I realize this and have a great opportunity to get back on track as I have carved out time to do this. When I get back, I do need to retackle the apartment issues. One thing at a time.